If there’s one thing to take away from the Sandusky/Penn State sex scandal it’s this…

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Fine, no one else is going to fucking say it then I will.

We should all be standing in that fucking park. Every last one of us.

Here’s why…

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I wanted to start this post with something like, “Look how fucking pathetic this is.” But then I remembered that time I invented a girlfriend in grammar school so people would think I was cool. Hot damn how I could have used this service then. [..]

As a great doctor once said, “I watched the first 2/3 of the MC Hammer Behind the Music, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about money it’s that it never runs out.”

Of course, that doctor was not Sly Stone, the one-time star and mega millionaire who is currently living out of a conversion van in Los Angeles.

Hey Sly! That’s solid!

Send all those squares home Jerry, send them all home.

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OFFS (Oh for Fuck’s Sake)

Lol, this is just so ri-god-damn-diculous I don’t even know what to think.

Julijonas Urbonas  is a coaster designer from Lithuania, and an asshole. He designed a euthanasia coaster that creates G-forces so intense they will kill you. The ride lasts 3 minutes, 2 of which is spent climbing the 1,600 ft. and 1 of which is spent dying (weeeeeeeeee).

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Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Stop. Just stop the bullshit right now. Oh, Facebook changed things again? What a surprise! Didn’t you see The Social Network? And I fucking quote,

“WEBSITES ARE LIKE FASHION. IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED.”

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Look at this guy… what a giant dick.

It seems like the Professional Russian has been around as long as the Internet. You can almost imagine that he was one of those first ARPANET users, sitting there in the Russian wilderness and cuddling his AK-47 just waiting for the medium to mature and let the world experience his boner-inducing weaponry.

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Ah yes, here we are again. Did you miss us? Probably not. But then again, why should you? We disappeared almost as mysteriously as we arrived, barely a blip on the Internet radar.

What was our Achilles heel? Well, it could have been a lot of things. A lack of direction perhaps or maybe we all just got too damn busy and wrapped up in other things that made money. Can you blame us? I can’t.

So where do we go from here? I always thought a good fall back plan was to turn this into a porn site. I think that be the easiest way to cash in on the whole “bad life decisions” thing, but I’m not sure anyone else would let that fly. If you know a bunch of comedians looking for a place where they could just write and write and write that would be pretty good too.

Turning this whole thing into something like Cracked would have been a dream, but alas, not all dreams come to fruition. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who read, and linked, and shared on Facebook. You people were awesome. Everyone else, thanks for nothing.

Peace!

The National Football League regular season has come and gone, and while some fans are dismayed that their teams didn’t make it to the playoffs, others are ecstatic that theirs have a shot to make it to Dallas for the big game (even fans of the Seattle Seahawks, a team I will discuss later).  But as the never ending previews of each playoff game commence (including mine), let’s first address the dreaded black Monday for coaches on the proverbial hot seat.

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The first thought that came to mind at the end of last week’s Giants debacle was “thank you Baby Jesus for it not being my turn for the weekly breakdown.” Whelp, Baby Jesus has a sick sense of humor and decided to smite my ass yet again… Must have Aaron Rodgers on his Fantasy team…

Let’s take a look back at a crazy Week 16 in the NFL.

New York Giants fans are starting to know what it’s like to be Mets fans… and those who like both teams are on the verge of committing mass suicide. The Giants just haven’t been able to find a way to win in the last two months of the regular season. Sure, the Giants are victims of a lot of key injuries, but so is the team that dropped 45 points on them! Careless mistakes and stupid turnovers are what separate the Giants from a playoff team and the underachievers that they are. As much as I like the man, Tom Coughlin’s job is on the line in the season finale against Washington. If making the playoffs isn’t enough inspiration, hopefully their coach’s career is.

The travesty of the NFC West comes full circle by having the Rams and Seahawks, two teams without winning records, on the national game in Week 17. I don’t really care if this is the only game that is guaranteed to directly affect the playoffs – we’re putting two God-awful teams in the national spotlight to display just how terrible they are. Note to NBC: the cat was out of the bag back in Week 5.  However, being the pessimist that I am, I am routing for Seattle to pull off the victory if only to see a team with a losing record in the playoffs.  Then again, it’s not going to be pretty seeing New Orleans start their title defense by stomping a losing team… that’s just not right!

The New England Patriots aren’t really considering playing their starters on Sunday, are they? In case Bill Belichick doesn’t remember last season, let me remind you why you didn’t win the Super Bowl last year: